i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
