Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wear drunk well.
PANTIES FOUND
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
