Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
