Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
