she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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