from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize