how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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