Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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