We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize