That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You work out of a Hotel?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
