Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
