I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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