your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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