I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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