Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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