Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
