I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
