Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
