Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
