I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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