Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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