I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
