i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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