I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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