So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
