I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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