we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
