dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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