I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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