Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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