I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
