he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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