I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
