Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
