i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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