playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
