Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You smell like stripper and shame
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
