This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
