Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm like, not good at living.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
