I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
