then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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