you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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