Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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