I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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