There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
