she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
