Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
