Its about making memories worth repressing
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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