she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
