Sry I called you an 8
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
