Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
