How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
