do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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