wat bout pragnant strippers??
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
