if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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