Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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