Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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