omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
