I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
