We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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