My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize