my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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