You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
