from now on my penis is your penis
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
