But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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